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Chapter 1


Written by Melissa and Lori McDonald
Last updated: 01/02/2007 02:01:11 AM

Chapter 1

[True but it would be fun to have her get pregnant and see the reaction of all the others:) Especially holier-than-thou Scott]

[Oh, god, yes! That'd be hysterical!]

Rogue- Um, Scott, ah can't go on th' mission with th' team.

Scott- Why not? Are you sick?

Rogue- Um, no...

Scott- Then why not?

Rogue- Ah'd rather not say. Just trust me, sugah.

Scott- That's not good enough, Rogue. You're letting down the team, you're an X-Man. X-Men don't go making bad excuses for things. They-

(WHAM!) [Scott is sent head first through the ceiling until only his feet stick out.]

Remy (walks in)- What de hell happened t' him?

Rogue- Ah punched him through th' wall. Ah think mah hormones are kinda outta control.

Remy- Remind me not t' hold y' hand when y' in labour, okay, chere?

[So it stinks. I'm not used to writing humour on the fly like this.]

[It doesn't stink and it sure would be nice to punch Scott like that:)]

(later on in the day-Rogue is sitting in a chair and Scott is pacing)

Scott-I'm very disappointed in you Rogue. This isn't the sort of thing I expected out of you-Remy yes but not you. I am correct in assuming Remy is the father of this child?

Rogue-Yes. Let me explain...

Scott-I'm not finished. You've really let down the team with this foolishness of yours and I won't mention how you've totally destroyed my opinion of you. Here you are unmarried and pregnant. I expected better of you. I don't even want to know how this happened-just the thought of you two together is really more than I want to imagine so let me tell you what's going to happen now.

Rogue-Why don't ya'll imagine this...

[Well this is where I've ended it so feel free to pick up:)]

[Aw shit. Just when I was getting into it too. Okay, here goes. Ahem...]


[Your turn. :)]

[Oh you don't play fair:) That wasn't even nice! Typical Canadian though;) Okay let me see...]

Scott-That seems to be your reaction to everything these days. You can blame it on hormones if you want but I have to tell you now that I must see to it that the rest of the team isn't going to suffer or even be inconvenienced by your lack of sexual self-control. It'd probably be best if you and Remy were put on seperate teams and I'm assuming that now that you're indisposed that your *activities* won't be continuing.

Rogue-For a man of ya'll's age you'd think ya'd know more about what can and can't be done. So let me tell ya'll what's what.

Scott-I'm not finished.

Rogue-Oh yes ya are. I will stay with Remy and we'll continue whateva *activities* we choose and ya'll can keep your pointy nose out of mah business. Now I'm going shopping with Jean and Storm for a baby crib so get outa mah way.

Scott (to Rogue's back)-This isn't over! I'm going to talk to Remy about this too!

[Okay, my turn...]

Scott- Remy, I want to talk to you about the deplorable thing you have done with Rogue.

Remy- What de matter, homme, jealous?

Scott- God, no! Getting her pregnant is a terrible thing to do. And the very fact that you're both immature enough to have sex before marriage...

Remy- Oh, so you was sneaking t' Jean's room all dose times t' play cards, neh?

Scott- We are not talking about me. We are talking about Rogue.

Remy- What about her?

Scott- She's let down the team! She's put herself ahead of everyone else's interests.

Remy- Meaning yours, n'est pas?

Scott- I'm not finished.

Remy- Whatever.

Scott- You better show a little more respect for me. I'm team leader.

Remy- Yeah, I kinda guess dat when you keep screamin' at me in combat.

Scott- I want you to talk to Rogue, explain to her that what she's done is wrong.

Remy- Hehn?!

Scott- I'm not done yet.

Remy- Whatever.

Scott- I want you to tell her that she's behaving badly, and she can't blame her temper tantrums on female hormones.


Remy- No, I guess she can'. (looks at unconscious body) You done yet?

[This is fun! If we keep it up long enough, we'll have enough to post! (G)]

[This is fun:)]

Scott-(with big black eye) I've called this meeting to discuss a matter that I think must be addressed.

Rogue-What happened to ya eye sugah? (smirks)

Remy-He jus fell on my fist chere. (even bigger smirk)

Scott-Quiet! Now as I was saying -something of a very serious nature has happened and I think everyone has a right to know since it affects them. Jean and Storm already know but as for the rest of you try not to be too upset when I tell you Rogue is pregnant.

Wolverine-Congratulations darlin'-it might be nice to have a kid around here besides Jubilee.

Jubilee-Hey I am not a kid! Does this make me an aunt or something? Why is Cyke getting so upset about this anyway?

Rogue-Well sugah I don't think Scott approves of anyone having sex around here 'sides him.

[Your turn:)]

[Thanks for the lead in. :)]

Scott- We aren't talking about my sex life!

Remy- Why not? You havin' problems of a manly sort?

Scott- I most certainly am not!

Bobby- Sorry I'm late. What's up?

Logan- Scott's impotent.

Scott- I am not!!

Logan- Whatever.

[And back to you! (don't delete any of this, okay?)]

Scott-I am not impotent so will everybody quit saying that!

Hank(just entering the room)-Who's impotent?


Hank-What did I say?

Jubilee-We were just congratulating Rogue and Remy 'cause they're having a baby and Cyke just flipped out about his personal problems.

Hank-A baby? How wonderful! And Scott you can come see me about that problem later on in the day.

Remy-Yes Scott, I t'ink that might get dis mood of yours under control. We need t' have de whole team functionin well since dere is going to be a new addition.

Rogue-Yeah sugah, now who wants to help me pick out baby names?

Scott- We are not going to pick out baby names! We are not going to talk about babies!

Sam- Does that mean we can talk about y'all's impotence?

Scott- No, we can't- *I am not impotent!*

Rogue- Ah dunno, sugah, ah want a second opinion on that. Jean, hon, is Scott a li'l slow in pickin' up th' pickle, so ta speak?

Jean- Well...

[Take it from here, girl! :)]


Jean-I was just thinking Scott-give me some time to answer. Rogue, I think if you have a girl that Celeste is a pretty name.

Remy-Look she's changin' de subject so it's true! Hey, how you like Renee for a girl chere?

Scott-Will you all stop it! It isn't true and we should stop picking out baby names.

Hank-Have you considered Henri for a boy?

Sam-Dixie is a good name ya'll!

Jubilee-For a boy?

Logan-yeah darlin' he was talkin' about for a boy. (rolls eyes)

Rogue-Well for a boy I kinda like the idea of a Remy Jr. but I'm lost on girl's names.

Scott-This is really getting out of control-Storm I'd like to speak with you and the Professor about this to discuss what is going to be done.

Professor-Don't overlook Charles for a boy's name Rogue in case you decide not to go with Remy.

Scott-Not you too!

Logan-There he goes again-maybe his problem ain't that he can't do it but that...

Remy-He don't get none!!

Scott-Hey, that isn't true either!

Jubilee-Cyke we're trying to pick out baby names here-we don't want to hear about your sex problems.

[your turn]

Scott- I am not having sex problems! I am merely concerned that Rogue isn't ready to have a child.

Rogue- What do y'all mean, *sugah*?

Scott- Rogue, you're young. You haven't been able to have physical contact for half your life. Now you're suddenly pregnant. I'm worried you may be pushing yourself.

Remy- Hey, you leave her alone! She's plenty old 'nough t' have a baby, an' she handle being touched pretty well too.

Scott- You! This is your fault! I would think that after all your time with us, you'd know better than to go around seducing an impressionable young woman!


Jean- Scott!

Charles- Now, Remy, that is not productive behaviour.

Rogue- Yeah. Ah wanted ta do that!

Jubilee- Quick, Hank! Now's your chance to check for that impotence he's trying to hide!

[You love to keep your turn short don't you:) No guilt or anything:)]

Hank-I think it would be best if he were awake for that sort of test.

Scott-I am awake and people have got to stop punching me!

Rogue-Well maybe ya'll should learn to keep your big mouth shut! And Ah'm not impressionable-nobody forced me t' do nothin' Ah didn't want to!

Remy-You tell him chere.

Jubilee-Now this is getting good! Let's get to the juicy stuff!

Logan-I think we should wait until the kid leaves the room.

Jubilee-Hey, I am *not* a kid!

Bobby-I think maybe this is just a way for Scott to hear about all the good stuff he's missing out on.

Jean-Excuse me?

Bobby-Sorry Jean no offense to you-I just meant that Scott wasn't..uh never mind.

Jean-That's what I thought. Now Scott don't you think you're getting a little worked up over nothing? I think it'll be wonderful to have a baby around here.

Ororo-Yes, it will add something new to the mansion.

Scott-Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have everyone here at one time. Rogue, Remy maybe you two better leave for an hour or two.

Rogue-Why? So ya'll can talk about us behind our backs?

[And here I go...]

Jubilee- You bet!

Logan- You leave too, darlin'.

Jubilee- Aw, I miss out on all the fun!

Remy- C'mon chere, let's go do some a dat illegal, immoral stuff.

Jubilee- Cool!

Remy- I wasn' talkin' t' you, petite. Not 'less y' age 'bout five years an' two cup sizes.

Rogue- Gambit!

Remy - was jus' kidding, chere!

Rogue- Well, kid about somethin' else, sugah.

Remy- Okay, but I don' think Scott wants us talkin' 'bout his impotence no more.

Scott- I am not impotent!

Remy- Whatever. So, chere, I was talkin' 'bout illegal and immoral stuff, n'est pas? Good for what ails ya. An' it ain' fattenin' neither.

Rogue- That's easy for y'all ta say, sugah. Y'all ain't gonna blow up like a beachball.

Remy- Hey, pregnant women are sexy.

Scott- Don't you two think you should take it easy?

Remy- Whatcha worried about, homme? I can' get her any more up a stump dan she already be, so we may as well enjoy it.

Scott- You haven't learned a thing.

Rogue- Ah resent that!

Remy- Sure we learn stuff. We learn dat it's hard t' find a condom machine a t'ousand feet up in de air.

Ororo- That was far more detail than I needed to know.

Remy- Den I won' mention what happened t' our clothes.

Logan- That must be a record. The first couple to join the mile high club without usin' a plane.

[Long enough for you? :)]

[Much better this time Lori:)]

Warren-I don't know about that-Betsy and I...

Betsy-Warren please refrain from discussing that now.

Warren-You're right. We didn't make it quite that far up anyway now that I think about it-we stopped off at the top of the Sears Tower.

Jubilee-Wow-this is great! All the things you get to hear-now what were you saying about clothes Gambit?

Remy-I don' know if y' should be hearin' this story petite but I'll tell it anyway.

Rogue-Remy! Ya'll have to have some self-control:)

Scott-That's what I've been trying to say!

Rogue/Remy-SHUT UP!

Bobby-Hey, all this losing clothes talk has got me thinking.

Logan-That could be dangerous.

Bobby-As I was saying-if I remember correctly there was a time when I found a bra and socks in the oak tree and shorts on top of the roof.

Remy-I'll be needin' de shorts back if y' still got 'em.

Rogue-Now sugah I think Scott wanted us ta disappear for awhile.

Remy-Dat suits me fine chere. Let's go!

Scott-Good-now that they're gone we can have a civilized discussion of what's going to happen around here.

Logan-So, what are you suggesting, eh?

[Oh, thanks. Leave me with the tough part. Like *I've* bothered to think of a plot.]

Scott- I hate to say this, but Rogue most likely will not know how to raise a child.

Ororo- That is not fair, Scott. I believe she would be a wonderful mother.

Warren- Providing the kid makes it through the delivery.

Betsy- What do you mean, Warren?

Warren- Well, Rogue can lift up to fifty tons, right? If she has one contraction, she'll bear down as hard as she can. She'll end up shooting that kid right across the room.

Hank- Oh, my stars and garters. I hadn't thought of that!

Scott- See? That's just another problem.

Logan- Don't worry, bub. I'll stand ready with a big catcher's mitt.

Charles- What else were you concerned about, Scott?

Scott- How long do you think Remy will hang around? He's going to leave her. I'm convinced of it.

[And back to you.]

Ororo-That is quite unfair-I've known Remy and been his friend for awhile now and I know he will not leave Rogue. I think he is ready for fatherhood.

Hank-He does seem awfully excited about having this child.

Scott-No, he's excited because he and Rogue can have sex.

Professor-Don't you think you are being rather harsh in your judgement? Why do you think Remy would leave?

Scott-Because that's the kind of person he is-I mean think about it. He's brash, impulsive, arrogant, and doesn't respect authority.

Logan-You mean he doesn't respect you. He'll stick around for Rogue and the kid.

Jubilee(who hasn't left)-I'll bet if it's a boy they won't be naming it Scott!

Logan-You got that right darlin'.

Scott-I don't care what they name this kid but all of you are failing to see my point.

Bobby-Well maybe if you'd get to it...

Scott-I have-many times! I can't believe that you can't see what a problem this will present for the rest of us.

Ororo-I for one am willing to make a few sacrifices if it means my friends will be happy.

Jean-I am too Scott-now I'm suppose to go baby clothes shopping. Let me check and see where Remy and Rogue are. (telepathic searching then big blush) Well maybe it'll wait just a bit longer.

[Back to you:)]

Scott- What?! They're at it again?

Logan- Don't you think of breakin' in on them, Slim. Those kids deserve some privacy.

Scott- That's what's wrong with this. They're just kids! And the X-Men are not baby sitters.

Charles- We are whatever we need to be. I didn't form the X-Men to just protect Mutants from danger. I formed them to give Mutants a safe place to live, to grow, and, if necessary, to have children.

Ororo- I agree. A child would show us all that we are fighting for more than just a mostly intangible dream.

Warren- She's right.

Betsy- Yes, she is. So, Jean, do you think you'll need any help with baby clothes shopping?

Jean- The more the merrier. What about the rest of you?

Scott- No one is listening to me! We need to decide what to do!

Jean- Scott, please, you're not being fair.

Scott- No, Remy and Rogue are the ones not being fair to the rest of us.

Jean- Then what do you suggest we have them do? Give up the child? Have an abortion?

Scott- It would solve a lot of problems.


Logan- Nice shot, Jeannie. I didn't know you had such a good right cross.

Jubilee- I don't think Scott did either.

[Your turn.]

Scott-I can't believe you did that Jean!

Jean-And I can't believe what a big deal you are making out of something that should be an exciting event. I hope if we ever have children that this isn't the way you are going to act.

Scott-Of course not-when we have children I'll be very excited.

Ororo-So how is your having children any different from that of Remy and Rogue?

Scott-Because I'm a mature adult.

Jubilee-You're really acting like it-even I act older and I'm just a kid. Wait, that didn't come out right.

Logan-Sounded right to me.

Professor-I think this news has just shocked you-allow some time to pass and then you'll be able to be more rational. After all the X-Men are a team and I know that you'll support your teammates *and* their children.

Betsy-The professor is right-so let's go to the mall and get those baby clothes.

Hank-Who's going to get our missing members?

Jubilee-I will! I will!

Logan-No way!

(a few months later-Rogue is about six months now)

(Rogue, Jean, Ororo and Betsy)

Rogue-Did ya'll see me the other day? Ah'm gettin' so big that Ah tilt when Ah fly!

Jean-Oh don't worry Rogue it's kinda cute.

Rogue-It's now just that-Ah have strange cravins for weird food too!

Ororo-That is where Gambit comes in handy-his job is to make all those trips to the grocery store.

Remy-Did I hear my name chere?

Rogue-Not if ya'll still like Jean-Paul for ah boy's name.

Remy-Ok chere we'll go wit' the name you picked.

Rogue-Ah knew ya'll would see it mah way!

[Back to you Lori girl:)]

Remy- Don' got no choice. Don' wan' sleep on de couch no more.

Rogue- Well, it was ya own fault fah bein' so stubborn.

Remy- Yes, dear.

Betsy- You seem to have him well trained.

Rogue (smirking) - Ah certainly do. Isn' that raht, Remy, honey?

Remy- Yes, dear.

Ororo- Well, I for one am certainly looking forward to seeing the latest edition. Has Beast finished with all the tests he has been running to determine the health of the child?

Rogue- Yes. Ah still don' like havin' them done. Ah don' think it was necessary. It's not lahk ah would wanna get rid a the kid if somethin' was "wrong". Ah still don' know why ah finally let Hank talk me inta them.

Remy- Sides, it probably gonna look weird anyway, what wit' bein' de baby a two mutants an' all.

Rogue- Our baby won' be weird no matter how it looks!

Remy- Yes, dear.

(In Hank's lab)

Scott- Hank, how is your study of the Legacy Virus coming? Any leads yet?

Hank- Hmm? Oh, I fear that I have been procrastinating in that direction this morning. Instead I have been focusing my attentions on the tests I have done upon Rogue.

Scott- That damn baby again. It's not even born yet and it's disrupting the team.

Hank- I had thought you accepted the fact of the imminent birth.

Scott- I don't like it and I never will. Remy and Rogue aren't ready for children. But they claim they don't need any help, so as long as they don't start asking for any with child care, I'll be happy.

Hank- Then you had better prepare yourself for a copious amount of misery, Scott.

Scott- What's wrong? Is the baby sick?

Hank- Oh, no, the child is very healthy. In fact, they all are.

Scott- They?

Hank- Rogue is going to have six.

[Try to work with this, girl. :)]

Scott-Six! You have got to be kidding! Please tell me you're kidding!

Hank-No, I am not kidding. I've checked it out many times and Rogue is expecting six babies. It is very rare but then we mutants always do seem to surprise ourselves.

Scott-You act as though this is a good thing-do they know?

Hank-I was just getting ready to tell them.

(Rogue, Remy, Jean, Storm, Betsy)

Rogue-Ah'm hungry again-Remy will ya'll go get me some ice cream?

Remy-Y'always hungry chere but I guess y' eating for two now.

(enter Scott, Hank, Logan and Jubilee)

Scott-Try seven.

Logan-Way to break the news bub.

Rogue-What ya'll talking about?

Hank-Well as Scott so briefly put you are expecting six children Rogue.

Rogue-Six? Ah think Ah need to sit down.

Jubilee-You are sitting down Rogue.

Remy-Celeste, Renee, Marquerite, Jacob...

Jubilee-What are you doing Gambit?

Remy-T'inkin up more baby names!

Scott-See, he's already gone off the deep end.

Rogue-Six? Ah can't believe it. Why ah'm going to get the big family ah always wanted in one try. Remy? Sugah? You ok?

Remy-Fine chere. Jus' a little surprised dat's all. Dis is great-me and you is goin' have a whole clan right from de start! Are de kids all right?

Hank-They're fine Remy-just fine.

Remy-Dey boys or girls?

Hank-A little of both actually.

Bobby (just entering) Wow, when you two do something you do it big!

[Your turn:)]

[Aw, Remy took it much better than I wanted him to. :)]

Rogue- How are we gonna handle havin' six babies in the house?

Remy- Hire a nanny?

Ororo- We may have to hire several.

Rogue- There go mah plans ta breast feed.

Jubilee- That's gross!

Remy- Y' know, I always wan' a big fam'ly. I jus' t'ought I spread it out a li'l more. Etienne, Francesca, Michelle, Pierre...

Jean- Will Rogue be able to handle delivering six babies?

Hank- She is strong. If necessary, we'll have to have a cesarean, though.

Remy- Michel, Minuette, Jean, Pierre...

Rogue- Yah mean I won' even be awake foh mah babies' births?

Remy- Pierre... Jacob... Annette... Pierre...

Scott- You've said Pierre three times, Remy.

Rogue- Remy?

Remy- Pierre... uh...

Logan- He's goin' green! Grab him!

Jubilee- Timber!


Rogue- Remy!

Bobby- Well, do you think it's sunk in yet?

[Heh. Your turn.]

Scott-I knew eventually somebody would come to their sense-I just didn't think it'd be Remy.

Rogue-What's ya'll mean come to his senses? Remy's just gettin' used t' the idea.

Remy-Pierre, Augustine, Jean-Luc...

Logan-Sounds like he's comin' to.

Rogue-Remy? Sugah? You all right?

Remy-Six babies? Six? How dis possible?

Bobby-Guess your little guys are really active.

Jubilee-Who do you think they'll look like? What do you think they'll look like?

Remy-Hey! Dey'll look like babies and with such a pretty mama dey'll be beautiful. Belle, Antoinette, Gabriella...

Rogue-Ah think he's starting t' come to his senses.

Jean-Looks like we're going to have to go shopping again. I don't think we have nearly enough stuff. Five more cribs or we could bunk them together, five more highchairs, five more strollers. We'd better get busy.

Bobby-Let's all go shopping-I don't want to sit by Remy though-he still looks a little green.

Scott-Excuse me? Everyone? Don't you think that we should discuss this?

Logan-Discuss what bub? Seems like what's done is done and we got to get ready.

Scott-I'm not babysitting-I refuse.

Rogue-No one asked you to sugah.

Jean-I'd be more than happy to help you Rogue.

Ororo-And so would I as I am sure would the rest of the team.

Jubilee-I'm not changing any diapers though.

Remy-Some help off de floor please mes amis.

[Take it:)]

(Another 2 months pass. Rogue is a week before her due date)

Rogue- Oh, aren't these babies evah going ta be born? Ah miss mah feet!

Remy- Don' worry, chere. Dey still down dere. Dey jus' a li'l thicker dan normal.

Rogue- What?! Ya mean ah'm retainin' water too?

Jubilee- Rogue, you're as big as the mansion. You're lucky water is all you're retaining.

Rogue- Oh!

Remy- Dat wasn' fair, petite. Rogue be beautiful.

Rogue- Oh!

Remy- You sound surprised, chere. Didn' you realize dat?

Rogue- Oh oh oh oh oh... Ah think ah'm in labour!

Remy- What?! You can' be! We de only ones here t'day!

Rogue- Oww!!! Ugh! Ah wanna push! Errn!

Remy- Eep!

Jubilee- Oh my gawd! That's so gross! Her water just broke all over the place!


Remy- Remy, Remy don't ya dare faint on me!

Jubilee- Too late. Eww, I think I'm gonna be sick!

Rogue- Jubilee, ya gotta help me!

Jubilee- I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!

Rogue- Jubilee! Ah need ya!

Scott (walking in)- Hi, I'm home. Everyone else should be back in about two days.

Rogue- SCOTT!!!

Jubilee- Boy, am I glad to see you! Take over!

Scott- Oh, shit.

[Aren't I sadistic? (G)]

[Yes you are:)]

Scott-No,no,no,no,no-this can't be happening. Not now anyway! Jubilee go call the team and see if they can spare anyone and if not then put a call out for help-I don't care if Sinister answers just get someone! Oh and call the hospital too and see if you can round up any of Hank's friends.

Jubilee-Anything else-you want me to boil some hot water while I'm at it?

Scott-Just get going Jubilee!

Jubilee-Some people are so touchy!

Scott-Remy, Remy get up and help!

Rogue-Sorry sugah he doesn't look like he's goin' be much help and OH!! Ah wish ah could rememba what ah learned in Lamaze class.

Remy-What happened? De room just started spinnin'.

Scott-Rogue's having the babies so you've got to pull yourself together and work with me here!

Remy-We can' do dis on our own-what we know 'bout babies?

Rogue-Well ya'll are goin' have a quick lesson 'cause these babies are coming!

Jubilee-I'm back! They're sending Storm to help but it'll be awhile before she gets here and I put a call out to any mutant available to help but I don't know if anybody heard me. The hospital hasn't sent word yet either so for the meantime we're on our own-well you are anyway.

Rogue-Remy, sugah, come here and hold mah hand.

Remy-Sure chere-OW!!!

Rogue-This is all ya'lls fault! You did this to me! Ah'm never letting ya'll touch me again!

Remy-Calm down chere and please let go of mah hair. Dis isn't so bad is it? Don' answer dat-I know it hurts but we goin' have six beautiful kids when dis all be over. Now Scott knows what he's doin' -you do don't ya?

Scott-Don't talk to me right now-I'm trying to figure out exactly what to do. First we got to get Rogue into some stirrups...

Remy-Hey, I'm not lettin' ya look at Rogue while she in de stirrups.

Scott-You want to do this?

Remy-Ok maybe just a little look.

Scott-What else will we need?

Remy-How 'bout scissors and blankets?

Scott-That's the first sensible thing I've heard you say.

Jubilee-Um guys? Guys? GUYS!! Rogue looks like she's about to burst so you'd better move it. I think I'll go stand over there and watch.

Scott-Forget it Jubilee we're going to be handing the babies to you.

Rogue-Here comes anotha contraction!

[Go Lori!:)]

[Oh, god. The closest I've been to anything like this is watching puppies get born!]

Rogue- AAARRGHHH!!!!!!

(several hours pass)

Rogue- EEYYYAAHHH!!!!!!!

(several more hours pass)


(Ten hours after this all started.)

Jubilee- This is getting boring.

Rogue- You... you wanna try... try this?!

Jubilee- Uh, thanks, no.

Scott- Come on, Rogue, push again.

Rogue- Ah don't wanta push anymore!

Remy- Ya have t' push, chere. Come on, breathe.

Rogue- You breathe, ya damn sperm dispenser! This is all ya fault!

Remy- MY fault? You helped, chere!

Rogue- You seduced me!

Remy- I did not! Well, okay, maybe I did. But I do love you!


Remy- Ow! Ow! Not de hair! Leggo!

Rogue- Ah hate you! Ah hate all men!

Remy- No, y' don'. Y' jus' sayin' dat 'cause y're upset.


Jubilee- Gumbo? Aw, hell. Scott! She nailed the Cajun!

Scott (sounding muffled)- Not now. I'm busy.

Rogue- Jubilee, come here. Ah wanna hold ya hand!

Jubilee- The way you're twisting that metal bed post? I don't think so.

Scott- Here comes the head!

Rogue- OOHHHWWW!!!

Remy- DiD AnyBoDy gEt De nUmBEr a DAt BuS I Hit?

Scott- Here comes the first one!

Remy- My baby!

Rogue- Mah baby!

Baby- RRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone- Oh, shit.

[Have fun, Melissa. :)]

Remy-What in de world was dat?!

Scott-Your son it seems-don't worry he's not a lion or anything but he has quite a voice!

Jubilee-He also has black and green eyes, black hair (what he has of it) and look! He's got little itty bitty fangs like a vampire. But don't worry guys he's really cute-he kinda looks like you Remy.

Remy-Nobody in my family has black hair *or* fangs!

Scott-How do you know that? The LeBeau's are your adopted family remember. Hold on here comes another to join Remy Jr.

Rogue-Ya'll better believe it!

Scott-There-it's a girl.

Jubilee-This one has white hair and green eyes-she's so pretty Rogue! I feel like some sort of commentator doing play by play.

Remy-Dis one we goin' call Celeste and she does look heavenly-like her mama.

Rogue-Stop the sweet talk sugah and come let me see mah babies while I have their brother and sisters.

Scott-I see another one-get ready!

Jubilee-Another girl! Brown hair and blue eyes and boy can she scream!

Remy-Dat's the color my eyes used t' be-dis one is Gabriella-hold her tight Jubilee 'cause she's a squirmer.

Scott-While you two were talking we added another brother. (lights go out) Hey! What was that! Oh great-just great as if delivering babies wasn't hard enough.

Remy-Why is my son glowin' in de dark?

Jubilee-Cool! That's a great trick-you'll never lose him at night! (lights come back on.)

Remy-Dat's much better. How come he got silver hair? You messin' wit de mailman chere?


Remy-Just kiddin' chere! Like Cyke says we don' know anyt'ing 'bout my side of de family so my mama could of looked like dis. Somewhere along de line there had to have been hair my color though.

Jubilee-He's got blue eyes like Gabriella-he looks like a little snow prince.

[Take it:)]

Remy- We call him Etienne.

Rogue- Ugh. Erm, ah hate this! Don' think ah haven't noticed y'all are givin' all a mah babies french names. Oh, god, how many more are there?!

Jubilee- Uh, I think I lost track.

Scott- Only one more, Rogue.

Rogue- One more... only one more.... ah can do this.

Remy- Come on, chere, you c'n do it!

Scott- And here's the last one!

Rogue- What is it?

Scott- Um, I'm not sure.

Rogue- What do y'all mean, ya ain't sure? How hard is it ta tell the sex of a baby?

Jubilee- Wow! Pretty hard when that baby is covered in fur.

Rogue- Fur?!

Remy- You been cheating on me wit' Beast, chere?

Scott- Knock it off. Here, put this thing with the rest of them. I want to go clean up.

Remy- Sure. T'anks for de help. I- uh... Wait a minute, didn' you jus' have five babies.

Rogue- What do you mean?

Remy- One of the babies is gone!


Remy- Ack! Chere... you're choking me...

Jubilee- Hey, I can see her. It's the white haired baby! She's power crawling down the hall. Wow, she's really moving too!

Rogue- Mah baby!

Remy- Ack!

Scott- I don't believe this.

Etienne- I don't believe this.

Scott- Did he just say what I think he just said?

Gabriella- SCREAM!

Jubilee- Uh oh.

Rogue- Get mah baby!

Remy- I can' see, chere! De li'l one is glowin' again!

Rogue- Get mah baby NOW or ah'm gonna make it so ya never walk again.

Remy- Yes, dear.

Jubilee- Scott, where are you going?

Scott- I need a drink.

Etienne- Me too.

[And it's yours. :)]

Remy-Wait a second! Remy Jr., Celeste, Gabriella, Etienne, and dis new one-dat's only five! Y' got another one comin' chere and I got t' go get Celeste 'fore she makes it down de hall!

Jubilee-I don't get how does this one know how to talk?

Etienne-Easy-don't you t'ink babies can hear you when dey in de womb?

Jubilee-Oh great he sounds like Gumbo!

Rogue-What a smart lil' son I have and OHHHHH!!!

Scott-Well this is the last one and it's a girl too.

Remy (holding Celeste)-Look everybody Stormy got here right in time to head dis one off at de pass. An' it look like lil' Renee make her debut while I was gone.

Jubilee-Let me run down the roll call for you Storm. Here's Celeste who can already crawl-weird huh? Well I guess not when you consider that Remy Jr. has vampire fangs but hasn't displayed any power yet. Then there is Gabriella who can scream louder than anything I've ever heard but looks quite normal. Even stranger is Etienne who can already talk and glows in the dark. We also have...wait what's the fifth babies name?

Rogue-It's a boy and ah I guess we'll give him ah french name to fit his siblings. How 'bout Jean-Paul?

Jubilee-Okay so Jean-Paul is the fifth one and he has the short purple fur and then here is Renee who has white hair with a red stripe and red on black eyes. We don't know if they have any powers yet.

Storm-My goodness you were busy weren't you?

Remy-I don' understand it? How come some of des babies have looks and powers not at all like ours?

Hank(just entering) That is because with mutants it is never quite clear how their children will manifest themselves. What a beautiful bunch of babies they are though for all their *unique* looks. But I'm not one to talk:)

(enter the rest of the team)

Jean-We came as soon as we heard-the mission didn't take as long as we thought. Oh my-I guess we came a little late didn't we? Seems you didn't need us after all-look at all of them-you must be so proud.

Rogue-Proud but tired. Are they all ok?

Hank-Everything seems to check out but I think it would be wise if I examined each of them fully.

Logan-(slaps Remy on the back) Well Gumbo looks like you and Rogue did all right for yourself.

Scott-Hey isn't anyone going to say anything about how I delivered all of them?

[And here I go.]

Logan- Why? You do all the screamin' and pushin', bub?

Scott- Well, no, but I think I should get some acknowledgement.

Logan- Whatever.

Jean (kisses him)- Don't let him spoil your mood, you did a wonderful job.

Bobby- I have never seen so many babies before.

Etienne- An' I never seen nobody wit' a shirt quite dat colour. Who your tailor, boy?

Bobby- Did he just say what I thought he said?

Remy- Yup. Dat's my boy!

Hank- Fascinating! He must be a full telepath to be able to know english so well already, and to understand what things are.

Rogue- Ah always wanted a smart child.

Gabrielle- SCREAM!

Remy Jr.- Wahhhhh!

Jean-Paul- Waahhhh!

Renee- Waaahhhhh!

Etienne- I'm hungry.

Celeste- Snore...

Ororo- I think our first priority should be getting them all fed and bathed.

Etienne- And diapered. Whoo! I t'ink I did a number two.

(Scott and Jean leave)

Jean- Oh, Scott, isn't it wonderful? To see so much new life in the house?

Scott- Yeah, great. Wonderful.

Jean- Why are you so unhappy about the babies?

Scott- I don't know. It's just that they're interfering with the way we want our lives to be, what we want to do. They make it a lot harder to go out and fight for the dream.

Jean- Then you don't want to have children?

Scott- After Rachel and Nathan? No.

Jean- Oh.

Scott- Maybe you can get your tubes tied or something.

Jean- Me?! Why should I be the one to get fixed? You're the one who doesn't want to have kids!

Scott- I didn't mean it that way. I just don't want there to be any accidents like with Remy and Rogue. Um... you are using birth control, aren't you?

Jean- We're married for this long and you finally decide to ask me that?

Scott- Sorry, Jean. I guess I always thought of that as your responsibility.

Jean- Yeah, well, responsibilities are always shared, buster.

Scott- I said I was sorry!

Jean- (sigh) I know.

Scott- Good.... So, are you using contraceptives?

Jean- As a matter of fact, I am. I'm using the best contraceptive on the planet.

Scott- What's that? The pill?

Jean- No. I'm pregnant. You're going to be a daddy!


[Have fun, Melissa!]

Logan(coming out of the room holding Gabriella) What happened to him?

Jean-I told him I was pregnant.

Rogue/Remy(each carrying a baby) WHAT?!!

Rogue-Congratulations! How many you think ya'll have Jean?

Jean-Well I was hoping for maybe twins personally.

Remy-(shaking Scott) Wake up mon ami-I hear you goin' t' be a daddy again. Now I keep myself from sayin' all de stuff dat you said to Rogue and me and say good luck instead.

Hank(holding Etienne)-Jean, I think you should see me as soon as possible to avoid a surprise like we had with Rogue. Now Etienne let us go so you can join your brothers and sisters in the nursery.

Etienne-I am tired. Where are de other two? Renee and Jean-Paul?

Ororo-Do not worry-I have Jean-Paul and Bobby has Renee. Now Bobby you must support the babies neck and head like this.

Bobby-I'm trying but it's been quite a while since I've held a baby-this one looks like a perfect combination of Rogue and Remy. I can't believe that now that we have six babies here we're going to have another one? ones?

Scott-Oh my head-Jean did you say what I thought you said? You're pregnant? How is this possible?

Jean-Well let me explain. First we had a romantic night out on the town, then we came back and...

Scott-I know that part! I just thought we'd agreed not to have kids.

Jean-I don't remember agreeing to anything of the sort-are you trying to say that you don't want this child?

Scott-No, that's not what I'm saying at all. In fact, the more I get used to the idea the better it sounds. Maybe I was a little jealous of Rogue and Remy and that was a part of the reason I got so mad-among other reasons of course. But part of me still resists the idea as well.

Logan-I think you're resisting a little too late bub. Seems the damage is already done.

Jubilee-I just want everyone to know right now that I am *not* babysitting all these kids-what if Jean has six like Rogue? A dozen is too much for me to care for.

Scott-Six? Did you say six?


Jubilee-Oops-just meant that was a possibility.

[okay Lori:)]

(much later, after all the babies are asleep and everyone has gone to bed)

Remy- Y' know, chere, dis has been quite de year.

Rogue- Yes. Ah'm so happy ah have so many healthy babies.

Remy- I hope you c'n say dat after dey all start crying at all hours a de day an' night. You c'n kiss sleep goodbye right now.

Rogue- We'll survive.

Remy- Course we will! We beat de odds on being able t' touch, after all.

Rogue - Ya know, ah'm amazed that no one evah asked how we managed ta do that.

Remy- Yeah, me too. Oh well. I love you, Rogue.

Rogue- Ah love ya too, Remy.

(Lights are turned out. Several minutes pass.)

Leech- Can Leech come out from under the bed yet?

[So, how's that for an ending? :) (God, I'm sick)]

This story is the product of far too much free time and an inane conversation that turned into a story. Without the benefit of a plot, or any idea what we were doing, Melissa and I began a story and passed it back and forth, all in the attempt to come up with something amusing. I personally kept throwing strange twists at Melissa to try and nail her, but she managed to handle everything I did and even outdid me on the bad jokes. :)

I've decided to leave our comments to one another while we wrote this in, so that readers can see where we switched off. They're all marked with [ ] for those of you who need help telling when it's us. *Grin* Besides, some of them are funny and this is designed for a cheap laugh. We know that it has Scott wildly out of character, but we don't like him. :) Apologies to all the Cyclops fans out there. More apologies to all Gambit haters, but yes, this is another one of those goddamn Remy/Rogue stories. The premise we began it with was the unlikely idea that Rogue becomes pregnant by Gambit and what happens as a result.


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