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Chapter 1


Written by Northlight
Last updated: 01/02/2007 02:01:11 AM

Chapter 1

Like Ah've been for the past days, ever since gettin' back t' what's left o' home, today Ah'm sittin' outside in front o' the mansion. Ah hold the half charred playin' card Remy gave me in mah hands, absently running mah thumb across it's rough edge. It's th' only thing Ah have left o' him, other than th' memories o' his that are still floatin' around in mah head. But Ah'd prefer not t' think o' those.

Since th' time we kissed, Ah've had Remy's memories trapped in mah mind, hauntin' my dreams mercilessly. Ah begged him t' tell me, but now that Ah've seen the darkness that he tried so hard t' run from Ah wish Ah only could have let those memories rest.

Ah can feel Joseph's presence hoverin' above me, as he has been since th' moment we got back. He stands vigil over me, his concern almost tangible. It almost makes mah eyes water thinkin' o' how sweet he's bein' t' me, and yet just as strongly, his constant attention makes me want t' lash out. Th' side o' me that wishes only t' be left alone with mah memories wonders what exactly he thinks his presence with me will do. Does he expect me t' start wailin' an' beatin' at mahself or maybe, breakdown sobbin' an' needin' a shoulder t' cry on? Just as likely, it's possible that he thinks Ah just might strike out at someone, like Ah did t' him. That just may not be far from th' truth, Ah can feel th' anger growin' in me, stronger than it's been since Ah first came t' the X-Men all those years ago.

Joseph stiffens behind me, he's seen somethin'. But Ah don' bother t' turn mah head around t' look, it don't matter none.

"I wish to speak to Rogue, alone. Please leave," Storm says, her voice commanding.

Joseph doesn't want t' leave me here alone, especially not with Storm. "I don't think that would be-" he begins.

"It's fine, Joseph," Ah tell him, still staring fixedly at the playing card Ah'm holdin'. He hesitates a moment before listenin' t' mah wish. He's such a sweet boy.

Now that Ah'm alone with Storm, Ah finally lift mah head to look at her. She doesn't sit down, she just stands over me. Her white eyes, full o' anger an' disappointment stare down at me accusingly. Ah sigh slightly and look back at mah card.

Ah've been expectin' this little talk from Storm, an' Ah must say Ah haven't been lookin' forward t' it. She knows th' basics o' Remy's "trial", what he was accused of an' the evidence t' support it. Other than that, none o' the others who were with us have said anythin'. They've left that up t' me, not that Ah blame 'em. What happened next was mah responsibility, only right that Ah be th' one t' face Storm's questions.

She's been waitin' for this moment evah since Ah told her that Remy was gone. She may not have got t' me right away, bein' too busy dealin' with Cecilia an' Maggott an' o' course Marrow. Despite her preoccupation with th' new arrivals at th' mansion, Ah knew she wasn't about t' let this pass without incident. After all, Remy was her friend before Ah even knew who he was. She's been watchin' me, plannin' and considerin' wha' t' ask an' what t' say when she finally got th' chance t' talk t' me. An' now, here she is. Full o' questions and not a few suspicions 'bout what happened t' Gambit.

Ah don't care. Let her ask her questions, let her unleash th' full fury o' th' elements 'gainst me if that's what she wants. None o' it matters. Ah feel cut off from any concern 'bout what mah teammates think, the only thing Ah can still fully feel is th' ragin' o' mah own confused emotions.

"Rogue, I wish to know what happened to Gambit. The others present at Remy's trial have been reluctant to tell me what happened to him after they escaped."

Not goin' t' bother t' lie t' her nor t' evade her questions. She wants th' truth, she'll get it, "Ah left him there," Ah say simply. Ah don't go into any details about wha' happened after Ah dropped him, this is all that she needs t' know.

"You what!" Storm exclaims, an' in the distance Ah can hear thunder rumblin'. Ah can see anger on her face, but Ah can also tell that she suspected as much. Storm didn't get t' be a leader o' th' X-Men by bein' stupid after all.

Storm may have expected to hear what Ah just told her, but she ain't about t' let that stop her from lettin' her anger out on me. "How could you do that to him! How could you do that to anybody!?"

Ah shrug, "he's a big boy, very resourceful. He'll figure somethin' out."

She glares at me, an' Ah can't help but think that she's close t' loosin' it herself. First Marrow, now this. Storm just ain't havin' a good week. "What do you expect him to do in Antarctica!? Even Beast, Joseph, Trish and you would not have survived long in that cold without the aid of Joseph's powers! How do you expect Remy to!"

Ah shrug again, an' think that it's probably a good thing that Ah don't tell her that th' last time Ah saw him, Remy didn't even have a shirt on. Teammate or not, Storm would probably try t' fry me. "That's it. You wanted t' know what happened t' Remy, an' now you know. There ain't nothin' more t' say."

"Oh, believe me, child, there is plenty more to say," Storm grinds out. Ah barely listen' t' her as she rages at me 'bout what X-Men do an' don't do, an' about me not havin' th' right to make th' decision t' leave Remy, an' everythin' else Ah knew she'd drag out.

Finally, Storm realizes that Ah really ain't listenin' an' that arguin' with someone who ain't arguin' back just ain't no fun. So she leaves me alone with mah thoughts, an' mah regrets, an' mah worries 'bout Remy.

Yes, Ah'm angry at Remy an' th' stupid, horrible thing he did. But Ah'm also just as angry 'bout what led us t' this point, an' that mah powers were used 'gainst th' man Ah love. Ah want t' lash out in anger against th' one who used me as a weapon t' destroy someone Ah care about with all mah heart. Ah want t' strike out in rage because for th' briefest moment Ah had a piece o' heaven that Ah'll never have again.

Confused an' upset Ah may be, but never would Ah have left Remy out in th' cold without a chance o' survival. When Ah kissed him back at his trial, Ah saw Remy's involvement in the Mutant Massacre an' Ah also saw his determination t' find out who was playin' th' part o' Eric th' Red. Everyone else was so wrapped up in Remy's secrets that they weren't concentratin' on th' truly important part o' th' trial. It was in his head, plain as day, tellin' me t' leave him behind. Put on a show, convince Eric th' Red that his plan, whatever it may have been, had succeeded. Ah'd leave Remy there an' he'd make his way out, stayin' away from th' X-Men until he finds th' truth about th' man who exposed his secrets.

Can't tell th' X-Men, Ah'm just goin' t' have t' live with the anger an' disappointment that Ah'll see in th' faces o' mah teammates. Ah can live with that, as long as he comes back t' me alive an' in one piece. Like Ah told Storm, Remy's resourceful. He'll figure somethin' out. Ah know he will...

Oh Lawd, Ah miss him already.

Remy, wherever you are, remember that Ah love you. With all mah heart, unconditionally.


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